progress report

I have just read the last couple of posts. I was wanting to make changes. I was having pep talks with myself regularly. I was overwhelmed. I did not think I was ever going to get anywhere. But I was actually making progress, and didn't even know it.
I AM taking that baking class. I did figure out how to make things a little easier. I have been writing stuff down. (note to self: buy ONE composition book for all these thoughts/things. It's OK if it holds the food diary, thoughts diary, shopping lists, to do lists, etc. I could go to the supermarket and get this done... today!).
Anyway- I made my life easier. I asked for a raise, because I deserve it, and I've been needing to stand up for myself and demand what I want for years. AND I asked for fewer hours at work. I also needed that! I've been wanting THAT for years. Although it took a couple weeks of stressing about it, I finally did some math, had some conversations, got my figures straight, scoured my soul for some courage and laid out the plan. And they went for it!!!
Phew! I also knew I'd have to make a break for it if they didn't because I was sick of hearing my same old story come out of my mouth. And I knew I'd have ANOTHER panic attack if I didn't do something. I don't ever want that to happen again.
The cut hours and raise don't happen for a month, but just knowing that relief is coming has lifted the dark cloud. That and the fact that I went through with it. Laying out my plan and all. Can I get another Phew?!!
Another giant exciting thing: I've been asked to make 2 pies for a friend's baby shower!! So excited. At first totally nervous, but now just excited. Like I can't wait to roll out dough and stir some custard and pipe some cream!
I feel like me again. I have confidence, and serenity, and hope for the future. Like there's time in my day to chat with a colleague or fellow baking student and things I like, or destinations I've never been to, or their lives or whatever. I know I have been very self interested lately because I was needing to climb out of the hole I had been in. And the only way I knew to do that was to focus. On me, all the time. I am so relieved to look out the window now at other stuff, new scenery!
Other major news! (wow, this has been a transitional time) I just stopped eating/drinking dairy and my nearly constant stomach/gas/bloating etc. issues seem to have miraculously also disappeared. Am I lactose intolerant?? I mean bummer, but shit, not-at-all-a-bummer to have identified the freaking problem!! Feeling not-terrible is wonderful! I kiss cheese goodbye gladly if I can feel like this without it. It's like breaking up with that horrible boy that you thought you'd be nothing without, and then viola- life is INSTANTLY MUCH BETTER! And you wonder why you didn't do this before!