Embrace

Lately I have been trying to partake in things I like, embrace life! So much of my life seemed like it was all about doing what I had to do, what I'm supposed to do, what I should do (work, drive, grocery shop). I've been working on changing my view- just because I HAVE TO do certain things, doesn't mean I have to hate it. With an attitude adjustment, grocery shopping could be more enjoyable. Always feeling put out by these things takes its toll. Only pushing myself to accomplish what has to be done, or what others expect. What about pushing myself to accomplish the things I want, or like? Just because. It's what makes life worth living.
I love nature, walking, rock shows, Christmas lights, and a city to name a few. Here are a few things I've made time for appreciating lately….

downtown Long Beach 

winter wreath making

pier walking

dave grohl at a pizza joint

Solo Walkies

beach walkin'

I'm proud of myself! I actually remembered to take a little time for me over the Thanksgiving holiday. I went for solo walks on the beach TWICE! I need to walk to get some energy flowing into my tight muscles, and to reboot mentally. Plus a little ocean breeze, some sunshine and getting out of my element does so much good. I used to walk on the beach often in my home town, and I sort of forgot how important it is to me.
It always seems to come back to these elements - breath, movement, nature. These things make room for the mental reboot, for paving the road to accomplish simple tasks, for the ability to focus, and calm my mind, returning to myself, remembering who I am.
Groovy stuff.

True, true

taking care

Last night I took care of things:
ME in the form of working out, stretching and doing my doctor prescribed exercises
MY PLANTS by watering them (finally, they were thirsty!)
MY FAMILY by cooking dinner and walking the hound
Just like on an airplane, when the flight attendant says to put your mask on first, then assist your child or whoever, I attended to ME first, and thus was able to be helpful, useful, loving and present for and to other entities.

B--r--e--a--t--h--e

I go out walkin'

My fitness bracelet band is set to vibrate every forty-five minutes of idle time, reminding me to get up and move! Well, this week I actually decided to pay attention to it. I zigzag through the warehouse for a couple minutes before I go back and sit for another stretch. I have to say, it's a good thing! This practice, as well as an after-work, hound-free walk, means I have been more easily making my daily goal of approximately 5 miles a day. Hooray! I guess it's easier to do than I thought.

Should, a dirty word

I just read an article from a yoga instructor about the concept of always questioning "what should I be doing?" This is a constant question in my mind. More like "Shouldn't I be doing (x)?"

Is it always about keeping up with the Jones' or do I just need motivation, or guidelines? Or is it a question that is merely holding me back from the real questions - what does my heart say? what does my heart pull me to do? where? why? -Is it possible to put my judgement of the answers on hold, so that the answers actually come?

I feel like the problem is I don't trust myself. It may be in part because I am open-minded enough, that I always see 2-sides to everything. So even arriving at a clear decision is very difficult. Or is it that I have regrets from past decisions, where at the time, I WAS sure of something. Then given a little time, I hate that decision, or I'm embarrassed. Think of some of the fashion choices in the 80s for example. And the 90s. Everyone makes mistakes, I guess the key is to accept who you are, what you do at the time, and when you look back, and make a judgement, you own that choice, and laugh at those horrible pants, or accept it/them as part of what makes you YOU today. My example is pants, but I'm really talking about important decisions (or lack there of). hmmmmm….

My morning started off rocky, with a personal outburst (of sorts), then nearly rear-ending someone on the way to work because I was in my own angry world. I am changing the course of my day RIGHT NOW, by the power of a decision. I'm shaking off the rocky start, and will have a good day, from this second forward. So there.

Back to "should" .. I am going to work on rephrasing my intentions in life, without the word SHOULD. I am going to start saying the thing, and not saying that I should be doing the thing. If I take it out of my vocabulary, maybe the concept will eventually just drop out of my head and my heart. I can live a should-free life, and just do.

Positive

I have a new goal. I've realized how negative I've been lately under the false pretense that focusing in on how crappy things are will back me so far into a corner, that I will be forced to make big changes and decisions in order to make things better. Well, that seems to have manifested into ongoing physical pain I can't seem to release, as well as an overall unpleasantness. If I were friends with me, I might have avoided me. I don't want to be that person. AND, it hasn't helped. Or maybe it has in that I've decided that the opposite attitude will release the pain, and the bitter feelings of being stuck. I'm done with it. I think taking on a positive attitude will help make the changes I want to see in my life, and specifically in my career.
I spent 2 hours this weekend working on my resume. These are the steps I need to take to get me out. And -bonus- just doing some of the work, taking a first step has made me feel so much better. I feel like there's hope for a better future, I have options, I'm not stuck. I'm not done, I'm not there yet, but I'm on the path to getting there. Sometimes just strapping on your gym shoes and plugging in your ipod makes you feel better, even before you get out there to hike!
My back had been locked up for a solid 5 weeks. Lots of stretching, chiropractor visits, ice and herbal patches have done some good. But I also tried acupuncture this week, and feel much better. I'm convinced that the physical pain and tension that my body has been holding onto has been partly due to the former bad attitude. Not only has the acupuncture released some of the physical pain, I think it has further enforced, if not been responsible for, my change in attitude. I am open to the idea that releasing tension, clearing physical and emotional blockages will pave the way for positive energy in my body (no pain) and positive energy in my career and relationships.
Peace, love, happiness and positive energy.

Gentle. Calm. Necessary. Natural.

Fixing to practice yoga 4 out of 4 days this week.

Solo lunch

I look forward to eating lunch, alone in my car on a work day. It lets me relax, and be OFF for a little while. Today I listened to a podcast I already heard and liked, because I didn't even want to think too much about any new subjects, just easy-to-digest content I already knew I enjoyed. It was warm and calm, and just what I needed.

On time, in fact - EARLY

I arrived to a class early today, by about 7 minutes. It was glorious to slowly get out of the car, chat with someone from class, grab my stuff, set up, and kill a little time before class began. I have always had trouble being on time, and I've realized lately that it is so much easier ON ME to eliminate the rush, the stress and anxiety, and just arrive on time. The difference between a few minutes early, versus the usual few minutes late changes the whole course of things to follow. I've always known how rude and inconsiderate being late is to others, but what I'm only recently realizing is that being on time is easier on ME. For many reasons, it has become my new favorite!

Even if it doesn't make sense

Working your body encourages your mind to be still

Off!

I took yesterday off (because I NEEDED A DAY OFF!) to hang with a friend, see some art, share a meal and a chat and feel like a normal person again. Phew! I almost feel normal.

I needed an attitude adjustment

So I changed my physical surroundings. And did some yoga in my yard. I feel much better

Finally planted my herb garden!

spontaneous yoga

I broke out into around a 1-hour yoga session in my back yard yesterday afternoon. It was a beautiful day, I was feeling a little stiff, started doing some light stretching and then dragged a yoga mat outside to properly give myself and my body the attention it deserves.

Tea glorious tea

Every day after lunch, I enjoy a cup of tea. It brings warmth and sunshine to my afternoon.

Stretching and eating right and connecting with family and friends. Listening to my body, taking breaks when I need them. Trying to figure out simple goals and achieve them without a lot of mental static.

Rad plantings from the weekend

I find it soothing to plant, and to be in the yard, making something.

Earthy

I spent some time this weekend digging in the dirt, and getting dirty. It really helps soothe and clean the soul sometimes to get in there like that. I'm talking about volunteering at a local farm, helping clean up and maintain things, repotting 59(!) tomato seedlings, plus planting and repotting some of my plants at home.
Sounds a little groovy, but spending time getting dirty and connecting a bit more with the physical world around me really grounds me.

stretchies

I've realized something since starting this blog. It is hard to come up with new and different ways to give yourself a little piece of mind, carve out some time for you and check in. But even if it's a repeat, and boring, I still want to do it. Because it's the effort of thinking about it, and being mindful of your own life and how it's going for you that needs to be brought to the forefront.
On that note - I've been doing 15-20 minutes of hip/thigh/hamstring stretches every night, because I want to take care of myself, relieve tension, release stress and feel better. And it makes me feel better.

TV!

I spent two hours watching what I wanted on tv, in the middle of the day, and I wasn't even sick. It was relaxing, and I deserved it.

Workout

It may be a boring post, but I worked out today. And that's for me!

Promises promises

I made a plan (with myself) to workout in the park today. And although the plan leading up to that plan changed, I kept my promise to myself to do it - and I did. It's kind of a big deal.

I spent 10 minutes by myself, outside in the yard, admiring my flowering succulents

I bought a few fancy bath bombs at the new Lush store in Fashion Valley a few weeks ago. I finally used one last night -- I took a 35-minute bath and read People magazine to relax and get in the right frame of mind for the week ahead.

Feel Better Today

Is an old mantra of mine, which I just remembered. I repeated it every day many years ago when I was having back issues, and it would motivate me to go to the gym, or stretch or go for a walk. These things always made me feel better that day, as well as better overall in the subsequent months. I gained strength in my body, and mind, became more flexible and FELT BETTER. Tomorrow is another day, but TODAY is a day I could find something to do to make myself feel better.
Last night I put this idea into action, and completed a home workout in my back yard with free weights, a band and a yoga mat. And I felt better.

I enjoyed reading a book for 1 hour and 15 minutes, uninterrupted!

First post

I am finally reporting that I did something for myself today! I spent 10 minutes gently stretching before I went to bed.